Hearts
by outlawqueener
Summary: A collection of drabbles featuring Outlaw Queen and the ever so important heart.
1. Heart of glass

**Disclaimer: **Nothing is mine, as usual, I just use these characters to my advantage.

**Heart of Glass**

She knew it was going to happen. Eventually.

She just didn't think it was going to be this fast. One moment he was all hers, souls connected in more ways than she could actually understand. The next she felt her battered heart missing a beat, sinking in a pool filled with the very familiar taste of heartbreak and sadness.

She suddenly felt lost, her heart pounding madly in her chest, her reason begging her to run away, to leave. She felt her eyes sting with tears; tears that blurred her vision, the cold chill of the night hitting her face, shooting a shiver through her body when she slammed the diner's door behind her. She had to run, to go somewhere and not look back.

She tried to get rid of those stubborn tears. His voice echoing behind her. She needs to go. "Wait!" The memory is shockingly bitter. "Please!" There's an awful desperation in his voice, something she never heard before. She wants to believe this means he cares, still cares, but she can't let herself believe again. She will never believe again.

Believing led her to him. Believing gave her a number of precious moments that were now forever crystallized as memories and memories only for she can't be an obstacle in his life. His happiness has come back from the past. It is his chance and he deserves the happiness she will never really have.

She hears the words and she hears her heart breaking more. Resilience is a gift, but it can also be a curse when you know your heart will be able to piece itself together just to be broken once again, and by now she should have been used to it. To lose. To be left aside.

But the saddest part of it is that she would never trade this heart ache, a proof that she was still capable of loving, for the peaceful numbness of not caring.

Her heart was resilient, but it was made of glass and it was mended repeatedly and every single time it piece itself together a part was lost, but this time, Regina thought while walking through the empty streets of Storybrooke, this time she had left her heart behind, along with her soul and her hopes. Maybe she could retrieve everything some day, but for now she just needed (once again) to be strong.

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Thanks for reading. Reviews are always welcomed! ;)


	2. Heart of loneliness

**Heart of loneliness**

He watched her from afar. Hidden behind a large tree in the park, there he just observed her.

Henry seemed to be talking about something very exciting to him and she was trying to pay attention, he could tell by the way her eyes blinked rapidly whenever he touched her arm. She'd look at him and listen intently then a faint smile would grace her lips just to be lost in a matter of seconds.

Twenty minutes later and she was sat on the bench on her own. Henry left not long ago, taking her hands and probably promising her that he would be at home for dinner or inviting her to his grandparents' apartment. She sighed heavily when he left and let herself fall on the wooden bench a few yards away from where he was standing.

He missed her like crazy. It has been two long months since the night he saw Marian alive. Two torturous long months and her absence was a heavy burden over his shoulder, one he didn't know he could carry any longer. He couldn't blame her for shutting him off, for slamming the door at his face when he dared knock on her door one night three weeks after the incident. He could only accept the terrible fact that he broke her heart.

It was unexpected and overwhelming to see Marian right in front of him, and everything around him was suddenly confused and his vision was blurry and he could only focus on the fact that his son had his mother again, and that his love, his long-lost love was back and seemingly better than ever.

And just when he heard the door closing, and Emma gripping Killian's arm for balance, he realized what he had done. He ran to the door, seeing her through the glass, begging whatever entity above to help him, he couldn't lose her. Not again!

"Wait!" The echo of his word making his head spin with dread. _No!_"Please!" His voice carried an odd desperation, his heart beating so fast he could barely listen to anything else. He needed to tell her… tell her what? Hours ago he said he would've walked through hell to have Marian again. His eyes filled with tears. He blinked them away, he couldn't cry now.

In the next moment he heard only Marian's accusations and he felt his heart actually splitting in half. What was he suppose to do? He couldn't leave Marian alone in this realm she didn't know. He didn't want to let Regina go, she was everything now. Everything.

At some point Regina turned her back and left. Marian took Roland in her arms and went back inside Granny's. Everyone else followed her and he stayed in the same spot, looking out the way Regina had taken. He felt sick and almost vomited when he realized what he had done. Unintentionally, of course, he had broken her heart. But what was the difference anyway? He had done that after vowing to himself, whilst beholding her peaceful sleeping form, that he would have the world to crumble around him before he would ever hurt her because her precious heart needed peace, love, happiness.

Snow sat beside her holding her son. She was silent for as long as she was there, only looking at Regina to handle the little boy to her. Just then he saw a smile illuminate her face and he missed that more than anything. He missed the happiness he felt in his heart whenever she smiled at him, reveling a thousand secrets without uttering a single word, just by letting him touch her heart and soul with his presence.

Now he missed her. And there was a void inside his heart once, a void that he never knew existed, one that he numbed with Roland's presence, and he kept going, blindly searching for one more reason to live.

Then Regina came into his life and touched his heart, filling that void so completely that now he felt lost and broken. He still recalled the blissful afternoon they spent together so vividly that he still smelled her perfume in his scarf, felt the soft touch of her hands all over his body.

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, shoving his hand in his pockets, turning his back to leave. The only thing left now was all the "what ifs" that plagued his mind every day. This was a sadistic way to torture himself because all the beautiful dreams he had dreamt to share with her were now buried deep inside his heart, untouched, maybe waiting the odds to act once more and let him be with her again.

But not matter what he happened, he was alone. The loneliness eating out what was left of his heart, and he realized he never felt something like this before. Not even when he spent all those years mourning his wife's death. At the time he only felt sadness and a terrible guilt.

Now, however, he felt like the world around him was rather gray. The memories of her were now the only thing left in his life, alongside his son, and he held onto them as his life line.

When he set his foot in his camp, all Merry Men were singing, drinking and laughing, Marian celebrating with them as well. He was surrounded by his friends, his family. He smiled weakly, a smile that did not reach his eyes. A smile that made him realize that loneliness was really the only thing left in his life now.

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As usual, thank you for reading and reviews are love and life.


	3. Heart of sadness I

It was just a walk, nothing more than that.

Confused as he still was, Robin was trying his best to understand what was going on in his life at the moment. He was feeling a nagging emptiness inside his chest like someone had taken a part of his heart away and now he had to figure out how to make the damaged organ function again.

He sighed heavily and looked at Marian and Roland walking hand in hand, talking enthusiastically, and smiling at each other. Both finally having the opportunity to be together and create that special bond between mother and son. He always thought it was unfair for him to have spent so much time with Marian when his boy never heard her voice or felt her arms cradle him when he was little. That's why he told Roland all the stories he lived with her, trying to give him a very real imagine of his mother, even though Robin knew it was useless.

"Papa, I want ice cream!" The little merry man screamed with excitement when they turned the corner, the ice cream shop coming into view.

"Not now, Roland, it's almost lunch time," Robin said, but Roland made a face and looked at his mother, a pleading look gracing his lovely face.

"I don't know what this ice cream thing is, but he seems to like it. Indulge him with some just this time, Robin," Marian said, smiling down to her son, looking at the dimples he inherited from his father.

Normally, Robin would not give in, he didn't want to spoil his child, but just this once he decided that it was okay to do what Roland wanted. He opened the door and the boy hurried inside with an excited shout. Robin guided Marian inside, a hand in her back, and when he closed the door, the tension was so palpable that he could cut it if he had a knife to do so.

Marian was glaring at Regina, who was at the far corner chatting with Henry. Now, however, she wasn't talking and looked over at Roland who was oblivious to the rising tension inside the shop.

"Let's go, Henry!"

"But mom," Henry protested, not done with his ice cream, but mostly indignant that it was becoming impossible to have some quality time with his mother. "I don't want to go," he said and looked over to see Marian and Robin apparently glued to the floor.

"There's no need for you to leave, your majesty," Marian said with as much disdain as she could muster. "This is not a place for a peasant to be when the Queen is inside."

Robin cringed at Marian's word. What was wrong with her? She was never like that! Of course he couldn't blame her for not trusting Regina, for not believing that she was a different person now, but treating a person like that was never right. Still, he kept his mouth shut for fear of what would his words be if he dared say anything.

"Stay," Regina said simply and glanced to where Roland was admiring the large number of colored ice cream in display. "Roland likes the dark chocolate one," Regina picked up her purse and stood up, never looking at Robin. "C'mon, Henry!"

"Amazing!" He huffed, taking his ice cream and leaving with Regina without looking back.

The only thing left inside the shop, beside himself, Marian and Roland, was Regina's smell, strong and delicate at the same time. He wasn't exactly expert in perfumes but he knew her smell was unique, and he also knew he was never going to be able to fully explain it, he just knew that he missed it all around him. It was addictive.

He closed his eyes and massaged his temples, feeling a mix of bitterness and sadness sip inside his heart, one he never knew before. And at that very moment he realized he was grieving. Grieving for the loss of a second chance he wished for so long. Grieving for those brief days they spent together.

Robin Hood tried not to think about it for days, but he was finally ready to admit that he had broken his soulmate's heart and in the process managed to destroy his own hope for a happy ending.


	4. Heart of sadness II

The wine remained untouched, though the glass was in her hand for 40 minutes now. The darkness outside was giving her an odd kind of comfort, one that she didn't want, but needed anyway. Hide was the only thing she could do these days.

32 days have gone away and she was counting every minute of every hour of every day, trying to fight the intense nothingness that had settled inside her heart unceremoniously. Tears have gone dry, the rare smiles appearing only for Henry and baby Neal.

Work became a scape, a tactic to take her mind away from the sadness that was slowly taking over her life lately. Regina was now spending long hours after work on her own at her office. She craved the undisturbed silence every night because only then she could stop pretending that everything was okay. She could stop hiding herself from her own sorrows, the bitter taste of loss never leaving her.

She would normally grab a glass of wine and sip it until the town was as silent as her battled thoughts, and as tired as her resolve to not show anything to anyone. These moments of silence and utter solitude, these brief moments in which she let the weakness take hold of her heart were devastatingly real because that's when she allowed herself to touch her wounds and feel that everything was still open, fresh and bleeding.

She saw him that afternoon walking hand in hand with his lovely son. The boy chatting away happily, talking about something that probably amused him in this new realm where he's living a happy and complete life with his father and mother. Unlike her, he now had a chance to have a loving mother at his side to support him, love him and raise him like he deserves. It killed her every time she saw him to know that she was the one who deprived him of his mother's presence. In another time line, she had managed to hurt that adorable boy whom she loved so much now.

She sighed and turned her back to the window. Closing the curtains with a flick of her wrist, Regina put the untouched glass of wine down, rubbing her temple, trying to ease the nagging headache that had been bothering her all day long. She looked over to the couch and memories of a happy day long gone assaulted her once again. It was routine, one that she couldn't stop going through. It hurt to remember, but somehow hurting was a comforting feeling when most of the time now she just felt sadness mixed with copious amounts of nothingness.

The world was rather gray, with flicks of color whenever she spent an afternoon with Henry or when he was sleeping over at her house. The weekends he was with her were always the happiest and she usually was full of energy and hope, her heart bursting with love for her son. Then, when he had to cross the threshold of her mansion to go back to Emma's place, everything turned cold and uninteresting again.

32 days, 2 hours and 17 minutes. She was counting every minute of every hour of every day because only then she felt like something was moving forward, once her heart was stubbornly stuck in that blissful moment outside Granny's when she thought that she didn't find happiness instead fought for it, finding herself again in the process, her heart connecting with a person she thought was long gone, buried in the darkness that took hold of her life, a darkness that is now gone for she was now unable to let the light he brought to her life go away.

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**So, I'm so enjoying this series. I hope I can bring some more to you guys. Meanwhile, thank you for reading. Reviews are much appreciated ;)**


	5. Heart of love

Robin had been thinking about those words for days – 47 days and 8 hours to be precise –, always in lonely moments, always on his own. Ever since the anger faded away to be replaced by a sharp sense that something important was missing (and he knew exactly what it was), he's been constantly repeating them to himself, every hour of every day.

He was sat in a fallen log for hours now. Lately, Robin got into the habit of walking alone in the forest. He liked the peace and the silence provided by the trees. He liked the comforting sound of the birds singing in the distance. He liked the sound of the stream running a few feet away, and to see the squirrels running around the clearing where he was. Everything was calming and for a few hours he could pretend that his life was amazing. But within that lie, in the silence of the forest, he could taste those bittersweet words for as long as he wished.

He was keeping himself away from everything and everyone as much as he could. There was no joy for him in sitting with his friends by the fire to chat and laugh throughout the night as he used to have. He wasn't spending a lot of time with Roland now, first because the boy needed as much time with Marian as possible, but especially because he was insisting on meeting Regina, always talking about her like he had the biggest crush ever.

Robin sighed heavily, standing up, he shoved his hands in his pockets and headed to his camp, but his thoughts were in Storybrooke, at 108 Mifflin Street to be precise. He would give anything to ease the pain he saw in Regina's eyes in the last town meeting, knowing full well that her pain was a reflection of his own. He pondered that perhaps soul mates would always share feelings like that, deep and intense, disturbing in its essence, comforting in its presence. _Soul mates_. He never knew that one little information would torment him so deeply.

She's been avoiding him ever since Marian came back. Ever since Robin learned that she was apparently responsible for his wife's death. He couldn't really explain the shock upon learning that Regina was going to kill Marian. He felt confused and lost at first. Later, anger and despair took over his heart for a short while. He wished he could rip out his heart and take away the part that already belonged to Regina. That day he realized he would never be able to do it for his heart was already hers, completely hers.

There was a deep pain lashing his heart out for weeks now, constant and unbearable. He was spending more and more time alone lately, trying to let his sad thoughts and feelings to be drained as he walked aimlessly. And it was useless.

That's when those words came to him, strong and firm. Repeating themselves over and over in his head, tormenting him, robbing his peace, making it impossible to embrace the anger he thought he should be feeling. He should be indignant and disgusted with himself as well. He should be diving back into his marriage, a happy one until Marian's death, but he realized in a matter of days that he was fooling himself. He was living a lie because he was an honorable man and that was still important to him; and for the sake of it he was turning himself into a bitter man, deprived of joy and happiness.

When he reached _their_ clearing, Robin had to sit and silently contemplate that place. Thinking about that night when he was feeling just as disturbed as he was now. But unlike that day, he had no promises to make, no hearts to retrieve, no Queen to defend. He had nothing.

And in that silent moment he uttered the words for the first time, feeling a bittersweet sensation when they rolled out of his mouth; it was thrilling but also hopeless. It was empowering but completely useless.

He picked up the words still floating around him and buried them inside his chest. 47 days and 10 hours being tormented by a silent reality that suddenly took form when he spoke it up. He never knew that saying _I love you_ to the wind would hurt so much.

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**One more and I'll keep going. Let's see where this will get, but I totally know how I want it do end :)**

**Well, thanks for reading and reviews are the air the I breathe ;)**


	6. Heart of life

This one takes place after Heroes and Villains.

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Heart of life

Happiness is a funny thing. It is as strong and enduring as that oak tree you see every day in the park when you're coming back home, but it is also fragile and vulnerable and it always chooses the worst moments to leave us. And that is how it happened.

It happened early in the morning. Her eyes were tired of crying, her heart was aching for some sort of peace, even if it was fake. But she knew that lies don't stand tall, for they get built upon a foundation made of sand and emptiness before eventually becoming a pile of rubble, just like her hope right now.

It happened too soon. She could barely absorb the crushing reality until the night fell upon her, painting her sorrows on a black canvas dusted with twinkling stars that whispered words of loneliness and despair. It made her grieve, and she knows how it is to grieve the loss of love. But this time she's not alone, she won't fall from grace. She can't, not again. Still she can't help but cry sometimes, the tears that mess up her impeccable make up have the strangest power to wipe away the intensity of the pain she feels, but they never soothe it completely.

It made her understand. A few months ago she would have laughed if someone were to tell her she would be in her living room past midnight with her phone buzzing after getting a reply to a text she sent a minute ago. This is one of those nights when she can't shake the nightmares of punishment and abandonment away. Snow is at her door 10 minutes later.

It made her feel. Maybe now she understands what Snow meant when she said she feels things deeply. And it's funny, the weird type of funny, that she hears the little cracks of her resolve when she looks at her reflection in the mirror, trying to convince herself that this time she won't care enough to hope again. But small as it is, hope is still there, feeding her, eager to believe that maybe one day she will find her place in this world again.


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